It's hard to let people in. It doesn't matter if you've never been hurt, or if you've been dragged down every dirt road in the County - there is a lot of emotional work that goes into letting people know you. Especially if you're not completely sold on doing it in the first place. It's itchy. It's uncomfortable. It feels like you are inside out. Feels like everything you touch gets sticky.
It requires you to know yourself and have those hard conversations with yourself. If you are presenting your truth to an audience, or even just one person, there is a biological fear factor of rejection. It starts to feel less like making a new friend and more like you are taking your one-show-pony to the One-Show- Pony Show. What if they don't like you? What if you do or say the wrong thing? The short answer is sometimes they won't and you absolutely will. That's what makes it so hard to open yourself up to people.
Something that gets overlooked is that it is equally hard to hide. On the surface it may seem easier to keep people at a distance. Clever misdirects, deflections, vague responses, inconsistent communication - all surefire ways to not be known. I personally love not getting involved. Being involved requires effort. Being funny and charming on command can get you in and out of peoples lives like Frogger dodging traffic. You can move through the world without being seen. It's great if you want to get into crime. You can hide behind your bullshit like one of those big titty bushes.We can hide from the world! We love a good game of hide and no seek.
Hiding is hard because you gotta own your shit. You can blame the system, you can blame the player and the game for why hiding isn't working for you. At the end of the day if you are not out there making the effort to find new connections, you have to be okay with being alone. Point blank. End of story.
I've heard it from so many of my single friends about how hard it is to find good people these days. You can blame everybody else. “I hate the apps. Everyone sucks, everybody's an asshole, I don't want to meet anyone new." Here's the brakes, friends, sometimes you suck and sometimes you're an asshole. Maybe they don't want to meet you either, but what if we all gave each other a chance? What if someone was out there willing to accept you? You gotta be out there sifting through mud if you want to find gold.
I think that's all you can reasonably expect from a new person in your life, an attempt at acceptance. It doesn't mean that they're going to blindly accept you or that they will like you immediately, or ever. They can accept you for who you are and still think you're an asshole. If it doesn't work out, you can walk away knowing you tried. Or you can stay in your cave. Get through another winter. Your call.
So if it's hard work to hide, and it's hard work to seek, where is the easy part? The easy part is deciding where you are going to put that energy. If you want to hide, get good at it. I better not catch you out in these bushes. These are my bushes. Maybe you could grab the one next to mine and we could learn shit about birds together. Together, but separate. If you want to seek, seek to the Moon and back. Commit. Do not let your limiting beliefs determine the rest of your future.
I can't help you with the hard work but come back for part 2 and some insight on life from both sides of the game. Perhaps it'll guide you as to which side you would like to put your energy into.
Until then, what are some pros and cons for being either the height or the seeker? Let us know in the comments!
It requires you to know yourself and have those hard conversations with yourself. If you are presenting your truth to an audience, or even just one person, there is a biological fear factor of rejection. It starts to feel less like making a new friend and more like you are taking your one-show-pony to the One-Show- Pony Show. What if they don't like you? What if you do or say the wrong thing? The short answer is sometimes they won't and you absolutely will. That's what makes it so hard to open yourself up to people.
Something that gets overlooked is that it is equally hard to hide. On the surface it may seem easier to keep people at a distance. Clever misdirects, deflections, vague responses, inconsistent communication - all surefire ways to not be known. I personally love not getting involved. Being involved requires effort. Being funny and charming on command can get you in and out of peoples lives like Frogger dodging traffic. You can move through the world without being seen. It's great if you want to get into crime. You can hide behind your bullshit like one of those big titty bushes.We can hide from the world! We love a good game of hide and no seek.
Hiding is hard because you gotta own your shit. You can blame the system, you can blame the player and the game for why hiding isn't working for you. At the end of the day if you are not out there making the effort to find new connections, you have to be okay with being alone. Point blank. End of story.
I've heard it from so many of my single friends about how hard it is to find good people these days. You can blame everybody else. “I hate the apps. Everyone sucks, everybody's an asshole, I don't want to meet anyone new." Here's the brakes, friends, sometimes you suck and sometimes you're an asshole. Maybe they don't want to meet you either, but what if we all gave each other a chance? What if someone was out there willing to accept you? You gotta be out there sifting through mud if you want to find gold.
I think that's all you can reasonably expect from a new person in your life, an attempt at acceptance. It doesn't mean that they're going to blindly accept you or that they will like you immediately, or ever. They can accept you for who you are and still think you're an asshole. If it doesn't work out, you can walk away knowing you tried. Or you can stay in your cave. Get through another winter. Your call.
So if it's hard work to hide, and it's hard work to seek, where is the easy part? The easy part is deciding where you are going to put that energy. If you want to hide, get good at it. I better not catch you out in these bushes. These are my bushes. Maybe you could grab the one next to mine and we could learn shit about birds together. Together, but separate. If you want to seek, seek to the Moon and back. Commit. Do not let your limiting beliefs determine the rest of your future.
I can't help you with the hard work but come back for part 2 and some insight on life from both sides of the game. Perhaps it'll guide you as to which side you would like to put your energy into.
Until then, what are some pros and cons for being either the height or the seeker? Let us know in the comments!